East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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