But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
