Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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