the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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