he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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