You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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