CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
