He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize