now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize