you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
how does that bad decision feel?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
