just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
