i don't like sucking hair
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize