Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
