i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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