Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wear drunk well.
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