Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
