Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
