Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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