Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
