i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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