Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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