Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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