I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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