Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
