i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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