Don't you send me to vm
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
