I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
