hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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