I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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