So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
