I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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