OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
