omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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