Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
