and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
