HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
