Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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