We won't sleep together?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
