He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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