so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
