I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
