3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
