laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
