how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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