He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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