Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
