hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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