A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
