one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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