she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
