He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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