What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
