The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize