when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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