It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
