I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
