We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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