yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
