Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
