I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
