I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
