My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Rumble strips road head = magical
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
