I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
