More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
