I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
