We're facebook friends in real life
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I would fuck him just for his dog
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
