Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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