it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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