She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
