can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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