really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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