No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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