Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
